for buck

i think i can write this now
for buck
because his death hasn't quite
become real for me yet, not
really real
like it was for pudd'n boy and randy
they found him. gone
two weeks or so, that's real.
buck is/was/is
pudd'n's uncle buck
he was everyone's uncle buck, but
he is/was/is, pudd'n's blood.

so this is for buck, cause
it isn't really, real for me yet.
it will be soon and i won't be able to write
because the realness will make my fingers
fumble at the keys. i will feel
as if i've no right, tho he was uncle buck
who always laughed and
brought cake, leaving his Harley at home
cause you can't bring cake on a bike.
if i saw his car in pudd'n's driveway
i knew there was cake.

there will be other cakes, someday
uncle buck tho,
he brought good times along with the cakes.
right now i'll think about the good times
because soon enough, it will be really real.
i think when i see pudd'n
or i don't see uncle buck's car in pudd'n's driveway,
then it will be real
and i won't write.