IT'S THE NEW BLACK

by my friend,
"THE CUNNING RUNT" at little bang theory

http://littlebangtheory.wordpress.com/


Ah, Fashion - what a marvelous roller coaster ride! From Nehru jackets to black lipstick, the most successful fashion disasters trends are always surprising, broadsiding our aesthetic sensibilities with first a gasp, then a giggle, and finally, our willing seduction. We get a tattoo, then two, then a few. It’s mini skirts, it’s mohawks, it’s amazing…

And we’re shameless about it. As a culture, we dive right in. The mohawks get bigger, the skirts get shorter, then poof, they’re gone, just like that, replaced with the Next New Thing. The painters’ pants go into the Box of No Return and out come the spandex tights. It’s like Momma never taught us nothin’, it’s “Damn the torpedos, full speed ahead…”

Think Speedos and thongs.

Behaviors and attitudes have similar Seasons in the Sun, sometimes with substantial segments of our society participating. We read poetry with the Beat Generation, hung out with the hippies, and more recently, we learned to love lattés and bought Beemers.

Well, some of us did. I hear. Ahem.

And just when we’re getting comfortable with the idea of pimply kids having enough tech savvy to game us out of house, home and gainful employment, even our very identities, we round a bend in the river to find the next American Attitude Adjustment:

Stupidity.

It’s the New Black.

And it’s so all the rage, everyone is doing it!

See, all it takes is one high profile proponent of behavioral fashion to set these things in motion; picture a pooch in your purse.

In the case of Stupidity (or “dumb-chic,” as the Old Polacks call it,) we could hardly have gotten a higher* profile Champion for a fashion trend. Think “nu-q-ler” and “in-fuh-structure.”

*though of course he denies it.

Now, while a Dumb-Guru might have been necessary for getting this Behavioral Brain[less] Child birthed, it would never have become a trend were it not for the elemental simplicity of Stupidity. I mean, 400,000,000 years just has way too many zeros in it; it’s much simpler to just remember, oh, 6,000.

Besides, if you forget that one, it’s in a book somewhere. Or not.

Stupidity has found fertile ground amongst segments of our society which are ready for change. You know, like folks who are ready to eschew the clutter of facts, slip the surly bonds of angst-inducing thought and somnambulate into the Land of Beliefs. Hell, the whole of Creationism fits neatly into one little book (pictures and all!) while it would take a bookshelf to even begin to comprehend evolution. And who has time for that? There’s beer to be drunk, brush to be cut, and that moose needs to be field dressed before the damned wolves get to it.

Yes, the haute couture of low-brow is hot, hotter than Clean Coal, slicker than moose guts, easy as pie. Americans from mega-churches to veterans’ clubs have tried on the cloak of stupidity, dug its relaxed fit, felt the weight of the world lift from our chests. I mean, who the hell wants some boring Brainiac with multiple degrees running our country? How gay is that??

We just want a President we can pick our nose in front of and not have to use a tissue.

And we don’t want some Beltway Smartypants asking our political candidates trick questions about the “bush doctrine;” let’s just keep the bushes cut back from the barbed wire, and don’t go into the bushes where the wolves are. It’s that simple.

And simple is good.

Personally, though, I think I might be just as glad to see this fashion pass. Chock it up to my OCD, call me Type A, but keep that Budweiser and try not to hate me for caring about facts and ideas.

It probably won’t get me a seat at the Cool Kids’ lunch table. But I have no appetite for what they’re swallowing anyway.


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